I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
