its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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