hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
