im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize