why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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