It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
