Pappa wants mamma naked
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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