we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
