The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize