Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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