you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
