I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
