So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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