She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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