Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just tell him i said nine months
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
