I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
