considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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