I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
