It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
