You made me cry and you don't even care
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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