I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize