you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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