i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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