My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
