We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
