That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
