So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
