i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
