Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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