booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
