I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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