he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
