Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
