there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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