i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
