you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
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