Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
