1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
