their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
