you're like a bully in the Christmas story
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
