a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
