dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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