chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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