I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
this will be a night to untag.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
