I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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