I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
