i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Four minutes until I can fart!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I can't turn off my feet"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
