he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
