I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
