If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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