I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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