i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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