i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
