I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
