you traded sex for a burrito?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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