This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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