I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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