Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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