I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
