How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
