my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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