i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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