names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
there is glitter all over my balls
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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