I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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