He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
