rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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