Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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