I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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