I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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