So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize