I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
